Virginia Woolf Fell For A Married Woman — And Their Private Letters Reveal All The Details

It’s fair to suggest that Woolf initially left more of an impression on Sackville-West than the other way around. While Woolf later noted in a diary entry that Sackville-West was “lovely,” Sackville-West’s feelings were far stronger. As she wrote in a letter to her spouse Harold Nicolson shortly after the party, “I simply adore Virginia Woolf.”

Naturally, Sackville-West found herself bowled over by her new companion’s charisma and intellect. Virginia Woolf, after all, is remembered today as an outright genius of modern literature. And we can only imagine how powerful a presence such a person would have had in real life — even if you were already a married woman.

But it’s clear that there was more to Sackville-West’s initial attraction to Woolf beyond mere intellect. Even in the letter to her husband, there were signs of more romantic longing. She wrote of Woolf, “At first you think she is plain, then a sort of spiritual beauty imposes itself on you, and you find a fascination in watching her... She is both detached and human.”

As time went on, the two women came to know each other in a much more intimate way. And in the end Woolf herself regarded Sackville-West in similarly romantic terms. The pair forged a passionate relationship, which had profound consequences for both their private lives and their respective written work.

The relationship between Woolf and Sackville-West remains a source of great interest today. People have written feverishly on the subject, and the tale has even been adapted for the screen. But the most telling insights come from the two women themselves. You see, they sent each other letters — and they lay bare the intricacies of what went down.

Given the literary flair of these two women, you can imagine how beautifully formed their letters to each other were. Of the two of them, though, it’s Woolf who is more remembered for her writing abilities today. She was, after all, a leading figure in the Bloomsbury Group, a radical intellectual club with members including economist John Maynard Keynes and artist Duncan Grant.

The Bloomsbury Group gained a degree of notoriety in 1910 after they undertook an elaborate prank. Group members disguised themselves as representatives of the Ethiopian monarchy, with Woolf herself donning a fake beard for the ruse. They then convinced the British navy to show them aboard one of its battleships. Hardly rock n’ roll by today’s standards, but an impressive feat that would re-write Woolf's fate from that day on.

And the prank was significant for Woolf, as it brought her closer to one of the Bloomsbury Group’s other members. It was in the wake of this event, in fact, that she married fellow writer Leonard Woolf, with their wedding taking place in 1912. It was a marriage that would last for the rest of Woolf’s life, despite everything else that would go on to unfold.

The Woolfs’ marriage endured, even when Vita Sackville-West entered the picture. Born into a family of aristocrats in 1892, this woman led something of an unconventional life for her time. For one thing, she questioned the gender norms that characterized rich English society in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

Because Sackville-West was acting in ways that were considered unruly for her class and gender from a young age. She would often get in trouble for wrestling, and she was said to be especially fond of knives. But she had a sensitive side, too, beginning to write at 12 years of age. By 18 she’d completed five plays and eight novels. That’s some output.

In 1913 Sackville-West tied the knot with Harold Nicholson. The pair appeared to love each other, but they each nonetheless embarked on same-sex affairs throughout their marriage. British tradition at that time was rigid, so their union perhaps allowed them to pursue their preferred lifestyles without unwanted attention and pressure from society at large.

Throughout this period of her life, Sackville-West worked on her writing and produced an award-worthy piece of poetry called The Land. She also took a liking to gardening, a pursuit for which she exhibited some skill. She led an interesting existence, but it was soon to become even more so.

It was during the December of 1922 that Sackville-West and Woolf first met at that get-together in London. Woolf, by this time, was 40 years of age, while Sackville-West was a decade younger. Yet the two took a liking to one another — despite the glaring differences in their lives and backgrounds.

Speaking to Time magazine in 2019, an English professor from Texas State University named Victoria Smith reflected on Woolf and Sackville-West’s first meeting. She said, “They came from pretty different places... That might have provided some of the attraction to Virginia for Vita, certainly. Vita was very attracted to Virginia’s genius.” So how can we be so sure that their relationship was anything more than platonic?

Well, we can speak of the pair’s relationship with a degree of confidence, as we have access to the two women’s writings on the subject. Both of them kept diaries, plus they sent each other numerous letters over the years. And these sources are extremely revealing about the intimate nature of their friendship.

Right away we can see how quickly Sackville-West fell for Woolf. In the letter she sent to her husband in the days after meeting Woolf, she remarked, “I’ve rarely taken such a fancy to anyone, and I think she likes me. At least, she asked me to Richmond where she lives. Darling, I have quite lost my heart.”

A diary entry penned a few weeks later sheds some light on the tone of Sackville-West’s relationship with Woolf in its early stages. She wrote, “Dined with Virginia at Richmond. She is as delicious as ever. How right she is when she says that love makes anyone a bore, but the excitement of life lies in ‘the little moves’ nearer to people. But perhaps she feels this because she is an experimentalist in humanity, and has no grande passion in her life.”

Despite Sackville-West’s immediate infatuation, Woolf initially appeared to be a little more unsure of her feelings. Having said that, it was clear that she was attracted to Sackville-West’s more feminine qualities. As she lamented in her own diary, Sackville-West was, “in short (what I have never been) a real woman.”

And ultimately, it took Woolf some time to figure out exactly how she felt toward Sackville-West. In a reflection on the nature of Sackville-West’s behavior towards her, Woolf confessed that things may be more complicated than mere friendship. She wondered, “What is the effect of all this on me? Very mixed.” And more importantly, how did these 'complicated' feelings fit in with her husband, Leonard?

Whatever feelings had emerged between Sackville-West and Woolf, they both appeared to love their respective husbands. Yet the two marriages could definitely be described as unconventional, especially for the time. After all, fiery affairs and same-sex dalliances were not the done things back in the early 1900s. It should be noted, though, that there’s no evidence to suggest that Woolf or Leonard had ever strayed away before Sackville-West entered the picture.

And as time went by it became increasingly clear that Woolf was becoming smitten. In a diary entry dated December 21, 1925, she wrote descriptively of Sackville-West, “I like her and being with her, and the splendor — she shines in the grocer’s shop in Sevenoaks with a candle-lit radiance, stalking on legs like beech trees, pink glowing, grape clustered, pearl hung.”

Sackville-West’s feminine side had come to captivate Woolf. In a similar vein, the fact that she had given birth was a source of fascination for Woolf, who never had children of her own. In fact, Woolf's husband had been under the impression that the strain of motherhood would have been too much for her mental health.

Woolf and Sackville-West eventually embarked on a more serious relationship, with their intense connection laid bare in the love letters they sent to one another. In one dated January 21, 1926, for example, Sackville-West summed up her emotions plainly. She wrote, “I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia.”

And despite her initial hesitancy, Woolf soon became more expressive in her own letters to Sackville-West. Having said that, she was still reluctant to be quite as blunt as her lover. On February 8, 1927, she wrote, “Yes yes yes I do like you. I am afraid to write the stronger word.”

Even though Woolf wasn’t always strictly clear about her feelings, it was clear that she was enamored with Sackville-West. As English professor Victoria Smith remarked to Time magazine, “Virginia deeply loved Vita. And she was so happy to recognize in Vita that Vita loved and celebrated women.” Given that both women were writers, it’s no surprise that the content of their love letters was striking. But their efforts went beyond the writing itself, with each letter put together in a unique way.

As Sackville-West once said, “Your letters are always a shock to me.” Woolf often wrote her messages by hand in purple ink, though on other occasions she would type them. And they would both even use different kinds of paper for their letters. As Sackville-West once remarked in a letter written on a page from a hotel, “This writing paper appeals to me so much that I must write you a letter on it.” The words concealed in their correspondence were ultimately the most important thing, of course. So important, in fact, that their relationship had a direct impact on their respective writing careers.

For one thing, they both offered critiques of the other’s efforts. And after the two had come to know each other, Sackville-West had started to release her writings through Woolf and her husband’s own publishing company, the Hogarth Press. The first publication was a short story called Seducers in Ecuador, which came out in 1924. Next came the full-length The Edwardians, which was a hit.

Of the two women, it was actually Sackville-West who was more of a success while the pair were still alive. Yet today it’s Woolf who’s widely recognized as the superior writer. And even Sackville-West appeared to know that this was the case, as we can see in a letter sent in 1925. She wrote, “I contrast my illiterate writing with your scholarly one, and am ashamed.”

In 1928 Woolf released Orlando, a novel that was inspired by Sackville-West herself. The book was even printed with photos of Sackville-West inside the cover — stunning images which had been taken by Woolf. No wonder Sackville-West's own son, author Nigel Nicolson, once described Orlando as, “the longest and most charming love letter in literature.”

And if there was ever any question as to whether Orlando really was inspired by Sackville-West, Woolf makes it clear in her diary in 1927. She remarked that the book was written, “half in mock style very clear and plain, so that people will understand every word. But the balance between truth and fantasy must be careful. It is based on Vita.”

Plus, Woolf even requested approval from Sackville-West before publishing the book. After all, it was a deeply revealing project that potentially could have made the muse uncomfortable. Yet Sackville-West was delighted by the prospect, writing in a letter, “My God Virginia, if ever I was thrilled and terrified it is at the prospect of being projected into the shape of Orlando.” So what did the public make of such an outward display of affection?

Given the more conservative culture of that time, many people may be thinking that readers would have been perturbed that the story was inspired by a same-sex relationship. But that's not the case at all. According to Victoria Smith, people generally didn’t seem to mind too much. As the professor remarked to Time, “People knew it was Vita, and they thought it was fun and playful; that’s why people bought it.”

Sackville-West was writing around this time, too, with her novel The Edwardians coming out in 1930. In a 2020 piece for the literary magazine The Paris Review, Rebecca Dinerstein Knight said of the book, “It’s a masterpiece that nobody ever reads. The prose is cheeky, confident... revelatory, and as evocative of time and mood as Woolf’s, but posterity saw fit to preserve only one mid-century woman writer whose name began with V.” A fact made all the more tragic with the twisted paths that fate had in store for the two Vs. 

Both Sackville-West and Woolf, then, produced great works during the course of their relationship. Yet their own story would eventually come to a tragic end. In 1941 Woolf’s issues with her mental health became too much. The writer took her own life, leaving behind a husband and a lover in Sackville-West.

And in the wake of the tragedy, Sackville-West wrote to Woolf’s husband to express her anguish. She wrote, “This is not a hard letter to write as you will know something of what I feel and words are unnecessary. For you I feel a really overwhelming sorrow, and for myself a loss which can never diminish.” The story of Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville-West amounted to a tragic end. But while it lasted, their relationship was a source of tremendous affection and inspiration for the two women.