The Truth About The Queen’s Parenting Style – And The Effect It Had On Her Children

When Queen Elizabeth II welcomed her first child in 1948, people’s expectations of parenthood were very different to what they are today. In fact, looking back, aspects of the monarch’s relationship with her offspring might look pretty odd to modern eyes. But whether or not she was a good parent is something that even her own children can’t seem to agree on.

For the most part, royal parenting is something that has taken place firmly behind palace doors. But in recent years, the newest generation of the British monarchy have happily played moms and dads in public. Prince William and Kate Middleton, as well as Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, seem eager to give their kids as “normal” a childhood as possible.

For instance, William has been a hands-on dad from the very beginning. Unlike many royal fathers before him, he was present at the birth of his first child, Prince George, in 2013. And the doting dad was also in the labor room to see his subsequent children, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis, arrive in the world.

But while there are some traditions William and Kate have rejected, there are others that they’re expected to follow. For instance, protocol dictates that they and other royals have to tell the Queen of their children’s births prior to anyone else. And it’s also custom for them to announce their new arrivals by means of a royal proclamation which is displayed outside Buckingham Palace on an easel.

Of course, times change and these days, royal births are also simultaneously announced on the monarchy’s official social media accounts. All the same, it’s customary for royals to present their children to the public a few days after their birth. As such, William and Kate posed with all their three babies outside the Lindo Wing of London’s St. Mary’s Hospital. After his birth in 2016, meanwhile, Harry and Meghan showed Archie Mountbatten-Windsor off via an appearance in Windsor Castle.

Given the Queen’s position as the head of the Church of England, all royal babies are expected to be baptized. Both William and Harry have followed this tradition with their own children. What’s more, they’ve each worn the same christening gown, which is based on one worn by Queen Victoria’s daughter all the way back in 1841.

And royal children are expected to follow certain fashion rules beyond their baptisms. Kate and William are expected to adhere to a dress code when it comes to their kids, which includes not dressing their sons in trousers until they’re about eight years of age. That’s why you most often see George and Louis in shorts, no matter what the British weather is doing.

But the subject of their children’s clothing is something that Kate and William have made changes to over the years. We’ve seen their kids wearing more relaxed attire than we may have seen other royals in previously. In fact, George famously wore a bathrobe when meeting America’s president in 2016.

Similarly, fits of temper from young royals are not to be tolerated by their parents. But while Kate and William have a team around them to help defuse outbursts, they’ve been known to take more of a hands-on approach. Kate has kept her children in check even in public view, even lowering herself to their level to get her point across.

Another way that Kate has forged her own path as a royal parent is by admitting that being a mom comes with its struggles. Speaking at an event in support of maternal mental health in 2017 she said, “Becoming a mother has been such a rewarding and wonderful experience. However, at times it has also been a huge challenge.”

But Kate isn’t the first mother to do things differently to older generations of the monarchy. After Princess Diana gave birth to William and Harry, she was credited with ripping up the royal parenting rulebook with her less-formal approach to raising her sons. And by doing so, she won hearts around the world.

Rather than putting her royal duties above her children, Diana would often try to work her schedule around William and Harry. She was also more visibly affectionate than royal parents before her, even hugging her sons in public. While that doesn’t seem particularly groundbreaking, such public displays of affection have never exactly been the done thing in the monarchy.

It was also important to Diana that William and Harry should experience things beyond their world of privilege. In the 2017 TV documentary Diana, Our Mother: Her Life and Legacy, William recalled, “She was very informal and really enjoyed the laughter and the fun… She understood that there was a real-life [existence] outside of palace walls.”

With that in mind, Diana accompanied William and Harry on vacations and family days out, with one popular excursion being to the Thorpe Park theme park. Her biographer Andrew Morton would later claim the princess organized these outings herself, without first seeking the approval of her husband Charles or other members of the royal family.

Diana also included William and Harry in some of her charitable endeavors, including taking the boys to meet AIDs patients. In 1995 she told BBC TV show Panorama, “I’ve taken the children to all sorts of areas, where I’m not sure anyone of that age in this family has been before.”

But Diana’s motivation for William and Harry to see all aspects of life wasn’t just for their sake. She explained, “I want them to have an understanding of people’s emotions, people’s insecurities, people’s distress, and people’s hopes and dreams. I would like a monarchy that has more contact with its people.”

Needless to say then, Diana played a very proactive role in Harry and William’s lives. But just one generation earlier, when the Queen was welcoming her children, things were very different indeed. She gave birth to all four of her children at home in royal residences. And when her first child, Prince Charles, was born in 1948 Prince Philip wasn’t there to witness the birth, reportedly letting off steam with a game of squash until it was time to meet his son.

The Queen and Philip welcomed their second child, Princess Anne, in 1950. But becoming sovereign two years later put any plans to expand their family further on hold, as she adjusted to her new role. As such, a whole decade passed before Prince Andrew was born in 1960, followed by the birth of her youngest child Prince Edward in 1964.

It seems that, with her youngest two children, the Queen was eager to do things a little differently. That’s because, when Charles and Anne were young, the monarch didn’t show much affection to them in public. Can you imagine how you’d greet your kids if you’d been separated from them for five long months? Well, when the Queen got home from a tour that lasted nearly half a year she greeted them with handshakes.

With Andrew and Edward though, the Queen opened up as a mother somewhat. In a November 2020 interview on the website of Town & Country magazine, historian Robert Lacy said of the monarch’s parenting style, “Evidence suggests she became warmer and more flexible as time went by.”

It’s long been speculated that Andrew is in fact the Queen’s favorite child. Explaining why this may be the case, in 2019 royal commentator Richard Fitzwilliams told CNN, “When Prince Charles and Princess Anne were born, the Queen wasn’t able to spend the time with them that she would have wished.”

By contrast, then, Fitzwilliams added, “In 1960 when Andrew was born, the Queen had been on the throne for eight years and didn’t have to leave the toddler to tour the Commonwealth for months. She was able to give him more attention and Andrew was someone with whom she’s had a particular affinity.”

When Edward later came along, the Queen once again changed her approach to motherhood. After reading a magazine article, the monarch encouraged Philip to join her at the birth of their youngest child. And so he became the first father to witness a royal birth in modern history.

Upon completing her family, following Edward’s birth, the Queen wrote to her children’s nanny Mabel Anderson to share her joy. She said of their newest addition, “He is a great joy to us all, especially to Andrew, who is completely fascinated by him. In fact, he considers him his own property, even telling Charles and Anne to ‘come and see my baby!’ Goodness, what fun it is to have a baby in the house again!”

Of course, as the British monarch, the Queen often had to leave her family to travel abroad. This mostly meant leaving her children in the capable hands of palace staff and nannies, just as her parents had done before. But that’s not to say that long periods of absence didn’t have an effect on her little ones.

A year after her 1953 coronation, the Queen embarked upon a 13-country tour of the commonwealth. The trip lasted roughly half a year, at which time Charles was about five, while Anne would have been just three. And though he was only young at the time, his mother’s absence apparently had a profound effect on the heir apparent.

While the Queen and Philip were away, Charles was cared for by the Queen Mother and his beloved nanny Anderson. Known to the young prince as “Mispy,” she was to become a major part of his childhood, being his primary carer even when his parents were not overseas.

Robert Jobson is the royal author behind the biography Charles at Seventy. And in a 2019 interview published on the website of British newspaper the Daily Express, he explained, “Mabel Anderson was certainly Prince Charles’ rock when he was a young and sensitive child… Mabel was a key person in his formative years. She was always there for him and he cared for her deeply.”

Even though Charles had a strong bond with his nanny, he decided not to leave his own children at home when he was required to carry out royal tours. In fact, he and Diana took William on a trip to New Zealand and Australia when the toddler was only nine months old. History repeated itself in 2014 when William and Kate took George on a similar trip while he, too, was just a baby.

Aside from his parents’ long absences, there were other factors that seemingly put a strain on Charles’ relationship with his parents. He was reportedly a sensitive child, and the Queen’s busy schedule led to him feeling isolated as a youngster. What’s more, he was a late developer, which frustrated his father, and he wasn’t the athletic type either.

Things were made worse for Charles when he was sent to Gordonstoun, a prestigious private boarding school in Scotland. It appears that despite sharing a dorm with more than a dozen other boys, the experience felt more akin to prison for the young prince. But despite his unhappiness at the establishment, the youngster had no choice but to stick things out.

Dealing with a strict routine and bouts of bullying, an unhappy Charles expressed his despair in letters home. One written in 1963 read, “The people in my dormitory are foul. Goodness, they are horrid. I don’t know how anybody could be so foul.” In another, he said, “I hardly get any sleep in the House because I snore and I get hit on the head all the time. It’s absolute hell.”

Despite his clear unhappiness at Gordonstoun, Charles stayed at the school. As such, it would seem that his parents had turned a blind eye to his written complaints. Yet according to a new documentary about the Queen, it appears that she and Philip were not purposefully cold to their children.

Modern interpretations of the Queen, including that seen on hit TV show The Crown have portrayed her as a fairly distant mother. In fact, it’s been said that the royal children only got to see her for half an hour per day, if they were lucky. But in the 2020 National Geographic documentary Being the Queen royal biographer Tim Heald said, “It wasn’t that anybody was being deliberately unkind or cold… it was just the way you did things.”

In the documentary former Member of Parliament Lord McNally seemingly addressed Charles’ experiences at Gordonstoun. And the politician didn’t mince his words. He said that while boarding schools provided the royal children with rigorous discipline, they didn’t necessarily “produce rounded human beings emotionally.”

But Being the Queen director Tom Jennings can see the situation from the sovereign’s perspective. In 2020 he told Glamour magazine, “Keep in mind that running the monarchy is a full-time job times 20, so things like family time fall through the cracks.” As such, he said that boarding schools could fill a gap left by royal parents’ busy schedules.

Still, according to Jennings this strategy hadn’t paid off. As he pointed out, “Entrusting their children to boarding schools, private tutors, and such is terrific for one’s education, but it isn’t the same as the nurturing and guidance that you would get from a parent.”

Yet as an adult, it seems that Charles has changed his opinion on his experiences at boarding school. At the launch of The Prince’s Trust Charles reportedly said, “[Gordonstoun] was only tough in the sense that it demanded more of you as an individual than most other schools did – mentally or physically. I am lucky in that I believe it taught me a great deal about myself and my own abilities and disabilities.”

Even so, it’s been speculated that the Queen was somewhat “distant” as a mother. But despite critical opinions being voiced over the monarch’s parenting techniques, her children have come to their mother’s defense over the years. In 2002 Princess Anne said of her mom, “I simply don’t believe there is any evidence whatsoever to suggest that she wasn’t caring. It just beggars belief.” So we can’t really argue with that!

What’s more, the Queen herself has expressed pride in her role of being a parent. According to Good Housekeeping magazine, when Kate Winslet met the monarch at an awards ceremony in 2012, she told her how she “loves being a mum” more than being a movie star. In a sweet exchange, the Queen reportedly agreed, “Yes. That’s the only job that matters.”

The Queen may not appear to be the most affectionate mom, then, but there’s still a real bond between her and her four children. And the same goes for William and Charles – although those two men are connected in a way that goes beyond blood. Both are going to be king one day, and that’s something you can’t say about most folks. But while the princes can bond over this shared fate, it may not have brought them closer. At times, in fact, they’ve had a pretty difficult relationship.

All the recent drama in the family probably hasn’t helped. Yep, we’re talking about the aftermath of that interview with Oprah. While speaking to the talk show host, William’s brother, Harry, and his wife, Meghan, were remarkably candid about the challenges they’d faced as young royals. And if the couple were to be believed, Harry’s relatives had caused some of these problems.

There was no doubt that Harry stepping down as a working royal had sent massive shockwaves through the family. But, of course, he wasn’t the one who’d been groomed all his life to rule. As difficult as his exit had been, it would have been a hundred times harder for Charles or William.

Harry touched on this during the Oprah interview. He spoke of being caught in “the system” – or the tradition and protocol that dictates royal life. And the prince claimed that both Charles and William were going through exactly the same thing. “My father and my brother, they are trapped. They don’t get to leave, and I have huge compassion for that,” Harry explained.

There’s only one way William or Charles could get out of being king: by renouncing their right to the throne. And, well, the family as a whole would not like that. The last time an abdication happened was in 1936. Back then, King Edward VIII stepped down, furious that royal rules wouldn’t permit him to marry an American divorcée. There are shades of Harry and Meghan there, for sure.

History probably won’t repeat itself in the same way. Etiquette about who royals can wed has changed over the years, as Charles’ current marriage to Camilla Parker Bowles proves. But knowing you’ll rule a whole country once your parent dies? That has to be a weird situation to be in. And Charles and William both have to deal with this.

That strange fate could bring the princes together. But there’s another member of the family Harry spoke about extensively in the Oprah interview – someone who may have driven a wedge between William and Charles. We’re talking, of course, about Princess Diana. Her life and early death still cast a long shadow over the royals – even today.

Diana had been divorced from Charles at the time of her death, and it hadn’t been an amicable split. But in hindsight, the relationship had been a bad match from the beginning. The pair had barely even known each other when they got married, as they’d been only dating for a few months. And when they did finally tie the knot, neither was faithful.

It didn’t help that Charles had always been in love with another woman: Camilla. Reportedly, he would have much rather married her, although the royal family would never have agreed. Camilla was deemed to be a far less suitable bride than Diana, you see. Still, that didn’t stop Charles from seeing his mistress on the sly. As Diana herself famously said in a 1995 interview with the BBC’s Panorama, “There were three of us in the marriage.”

All this was likely hard on William and Harry – especially William as the older child. Having parents at war is difficult enough without knowing the world is watching your every move. And in his 2020 book Battle of Brothers, biographer Robert Lacey claimed that the divorce had indeed affected William deeply.

According to Lacey, William blamed his father for the marriage breakdown. At one point, he allegedly even shouted, “I hate you, Papa. I hate you so much. Why do you make Mummy cry all the time?” How did the young prince cope with all this turmoil? Well, in a very unusual way. Although he was barely able to comprehend what ruling a country meant, he apparently “[found] consolation” in the prospect of being king.

William was reportedly also keen to protect his mother as the marriage deteriorated further and further. Allegedly, he was the one who passed tissues to her while she cried behind closed doors. And according to Diana’s butler Paul Burrell, the young prince promised his mom that she would once again be called “Her Royal Highness” when he was king. Maybe seeing Diana suffering turned William against his dad?

In any case, the family was further broken after the princess passed away. William said in the 2017 documentary Diana, Our Mother: Her Life and Legacy, “[We] came together, and Harry and I tried to talk as best we could about it. But being so small at that age, it was very difficult to communicate or understand your feelings. It’s... it’s very complicated.”

Complicated was the right word. Now, Charles was left as a single parent to two young boys, meaning he somehow had to juggle being a dad with his royal duties. And, unfortunately, his role as the future king came very close to outweighing his role as a father. But we shouldn’t blame him too much. After all, Charles hadn’t been raised by very hands-on parents himself, so he barely had a template to follow.

Charles is said to have stepped up to the plate from time to time, too. When William was a young man, he allegedly had a crisis of confidence that led him to consider quitting college. Yep, the prince could have been a drop-out! Apparently, he was pretty unhappy during his freshman year at the University of St. Andrews. In the end, Charles reportedly had to talk him out of making such a drastic move.

The Prince of Wales had supposedly needed some prodding, mind you. In Battle of Brothers, Lacey claimed that one of Charles’ assistants had told him to “demonstrate more fatherly backbone” with William. This could have been a risk – who talks like that to a royal? – but it seemed to pay off. Charles had a conversation with his eldest child and encouraged him to stay at college. And it’s lucky he did, as otherwise William may never have gotten to know Kate Middleton.

Still, Charles’ and Diana’s divorce may have ended up affecting William’s relationship with Kate. In 2020 Lacey told the New York Post, “When [William] meets Kate Middleton at university, he actually makes the poor young woman wait nine years to effectively audition her for the job as wife to the head of state. He took the lesson of duty.”

We all know how that turned out in the end, though! And while William may have disliked college, he was much keener about the military. He even got a job as a helicopter pilot with the U.K.’s Royal Air Force. When he received his pilot’s wings in 2008, Charles presented them to him while Kate looked on happily from the audience.

Camilla also attended that important ceremony. And despite all the potential for disaster in that relationship, the duchess is now thought to be super close to Charles’ sons. Harry has suggested as much to the media, while photos exist of Camilla and William seemingly having fun together.

But Charles and William may still be divided on professional matters. For starters, while William’s definitely accepted his role as future king now, it’s Charles, not him, who’s next in line. That’s a hard pill to swallow for some of the British public, who have indicated that they favor the younger royal.

A 2021 survey conducted by Deltapoll suggests that 47 percent of Britons would approve of Charles skipping his turn on the throne and passing it instead to William. And, reportedly, Charles isn’t happy about his future subjects preferring his son to him. That’s no surprise, really! No one wants to lose out on a job they’ve trained their whole life to do.

Perhaps the British public have picked up on William’s more easy-breezy approach to parenting. In 2018 royal biographer Catherine Mayer claimed that he and Kate were so intent on raising Prince George like any other kid that they hadn’t yet told their young son he’d be king. That would come later.

And disagreements on how to bring up children have reportedly long been a source of tension between Charles and William. According to a January 2021 article by the Daily Mail, William has expressed disapproval about his father not respecting his kids’ privacy – by having them feature in officially released photos, for instance.

But it’s not just William raising the children and maintaining the family. Kate is, too. And apparently she’s had a hand in making sure William maintains a good relationship with his father – even despite their clashing views and difficult past. That means the two princes making time for each other.

Kate was at least able to get the two men together in 2020 for a Father’s Day photo. She’s a keen photographer, so she took the shot herself. That could explain why the snap shows a side of both heirs that the public doesn’t normally see. They look relaxed. You could even say that they appear happy in each other’s company.

Not long after that photo was released, one royal reporter speculated on the princes’ relationship going forward. The Daily Telegraph’s Camilla Tominey wrote that it seemed as though William had “woken up to the fact that Charles has been as much of a positive influence as Diana.” That’s a pretty bold claim!

Tominey explained why, though, adding, “The warmth which so obviously zings between father and son seems to signify a laying to rest of the ghosts of William’s childhood and any soreness he has felt towards his father after witnessing the traumatic fall-out out of his parents’ separation.” And perhaps she wasn’t too off the mark.

That’s according to someone claiming to be a palace insider, anyway. This anonymous source spoke to royal expert Katie Nicholl for Vanity Fair, saying, “It’s no secret that Charles and his son have had ups and downs in the past, but the relationship today is very solid and strong.”

And an individual who’d apparently “known William for many years” agreed. “Since getting married and becoming a father... William... [is] very much on the same page [as Charles]. There’s a sense of duty that runs through them both and unites them... As far as their relationship is concerned, they’ve crossed a bridge.”

It was most likely Kate who helped build that bridge. In January 2021 Emily Andrews, the Mail on Sunday’s royal editor, claimed that the duchess had worked behind the scenes to mend things between her husband and her father-in-law. For a start, she apparently invited Charles to drop in and see her, William and the kids at home. A small gesture, maybe, but one that could have made the Prince of Wales feel more welcome among the Cambridges.

And that wasn’t all. In her piece, Nicholls wrote, “Last summer, Kate made sure that her family was back in time from their holiday to the Isles of Scilly to coincide with Charles’ stay, so Grandpa could give birthday presents to seven-year-old George.” William himself has said that Charles is a devoted grandfather.

So, with father and son seemingly reunited, is there really a chance that Charles will refuse the crown and pass it to William? Probably not, all things considered, but Charles is said to be very much aware that it’s only a matter of time until his son gets the top job. And if Andrews’ article is to be believed, the prince is planning accordingly.

A source said to the Mail on Sunday, “[Charles is] giving William much more input. He realizes that his own reign will be a shorter one than his son’s, and therefore it is crucial that William is involved in all long-term planning. They have been spending more time together and are much more aligned. Both are more comfortable in their own skin – and with each other.” Good to know!

The following month, royal expert Richard Fitzwilliams also told the Daily Express, “William is preparing, as it is, to be king. That is what he will be, and he will continue to do it with Kate by his side.” Speaking of the duchess, she’s been playing her own role in grooming William for the throne.

Fitzwilliams then praised William and Kate’s charity work before adding, “What has also been very popular is the way they’ve released photographs. This is a way to keep the public in touch and also preserve privacy. The balance is one they’ve always wanted to strike.” As the one who usually takes these candid snaps, Kate is obviously very involved there.

In fact, the duchess may be more influential than you think. Journalist Russell Myers suggested as much when he spoke about the Cambridges on the British morning show Lorraine. While appearing as a guest in February 2021, he said, “Of course the relationship [between Charles and William] has been strained. The Firm, or the royal family, are a dysfunctional family at the best of times… Charles and William are very different people, and William has taken the royal family in a very different direction.”

But Myers went on, “I think the relationship [between Charles and William] of late is really strong, and the actual person who has brought them together is Kate… Charles is a workaholic at the best of times, and I think Kate has brought him closer to the family, got him to spend more time with the grandkids and got him to chill out a little bit.”

And if you’re wondering whether Kate could fix things between William and Harry, she may have already started. In the Mail on Sunday piece, Andrews noted, “Organizing Charles’ family portrait for his 70th birthday with Harry and William, who had fallen out spectacularly, did not prove easy. [Kate] helped make it happen and ensured that all the children synchronized smiles for the camera.”

That was a few years back, but Kate has reportedly kept her hand in. In March 2021 Nicholl told Entertainment Tonight that “behind the scenes, [the duchess] has tried really hard to be a peacemaker between William and Harry.” She added that Kate had been “deeply saddened by the brothers’ falling-out” as she had been “incredibly close to Harry herself.”

At least Harry is said to actually be speaking to Charles again after claiming to Oprah that his dad had “stopped taking [his] calls.” He’s allegedly reached out to William, too. So, can this other rift in the royal family finally be repaired? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see.