Two Stores Started A Sign War, And It Was Just Too Perfect

When an employee at a small-town music store began a sign feud with a few local businesses, it was super silly. And the chain of events that followed were even sillier. Sometimes the simplest pleasures in life are the best, aren’t they? Read on to discover the hilarity that went down.

It all kicked off when a guy at Bridge Kaldro Music in Christiansburg, Virginia, suggested to owner Ed Bridge that they start a sign war. His boss, unsurprisingly, had no idea what this was. But when his employee brought him up to speed, he liked the sound of it!

Bridge then began strategizing his opening move. His first message, which was later published on Facebook, read, “Hey Super Shoes, want to start a sign war?” It wasn’t the most imaginative note, but Bridge was just testing the waters. He didn’t know whether the shoe store across the street would be up for the show-down. But oh it was...

Imagine Bridge’s joy when Super Shoes did decide to join him in glorious battle. Its response, “Hey Bridge Kaldro! Our shoe 8trings are stronger than your guitar string” was pretty darn funny. Even the fact that the store ran out of the letter “S” somehow came across as charming. 

The stage was now set. Both sides had made their intentions clear. Battle lines had been drawn. The war was upon them. Bridge Kaldro fired back with, “Your shoestrings never got anyone a date,” which, we think you’ll agree, was a hilarious counter punch.

“Keep your play dates, we specialize in solemates,” Super Shoes wrote on another sign. At this point, it became obvious that the shoe emporium had someone on its team who specialized in puns. That’s truly an essential talent for any squad engaging in a sign war. “Solemates.” Magnificent.

What happened next changed everything, though. Bridge Kaldro decided to widen the scope of the sign war; it wanted to fight on multiple fronts! Beginning with a delicious pun of its own, this new sign said, “What a ‘croc.’” Then the challenge was made to another business.

“[I don’t know] what stinks worse, your shoes or Kabuki’s sign,” was the shot heard around Christiansburg. Local Japanese restaurant Kabuki had been served. Would it respond or stay neutral? Thankfully, the restaurant joined in with, “You got to B-sharp to make good shoe-shi and we won’t string you along.”

The pun game from Kabuki on this sign signaled things had just jumped up several notches. Bridge Kaldro and Super Shoes were tangling with a professional here. Three puns in one sign? Oh, and their next few signs were pretty great, too.

Soon, more businesses then threw their hats in the ring. The Christiansburg Pharmacy’s first sign read, “Music, shoes and food are fine. But your health is on our mind.” While the effort was appreciated, it did feel slightly akin to an out-of-touch parent trying to get down with the cool kids. Cringe.

“Shoes, strings, sushi? Your girl will leave if the IRS is after you,” came next from Hunt & Associate, LLC. Yes, even the accountants were getting in on the act! To be fair, we never would’ve credited number crunchers with a sense of humor, so color us pleasantly surprised. 

A local gas station then popped up with, “We will fuel the sign warz.” Its use of “Z” instead of an “S” was brilliantly ’90s. The Hampton Inn’s contribution, “Songs, shoes and sushi r worth the fuss, but at the end of the day they sleep with us!” was stellar, too.

For our money, though, Lawson Mobile Home Supply scored the biggest victory with its contribution. It read, “A musician, shoe salesman, pharmacist and barber walk into Kabuki. Bartender says, ‘This could be a sign.’” Someone get these people a 10-minute set at the improv!

By this point, most businesses in the area were involved. Things got crazy, you guys. We think Super Shoes summed it up best with, “Boy… that escalated quickly.” In our oh-so-humble opinion, any store that references the Anchorman news team battle is run by people with excellent taste in absurd nonsense. 

Clearly, everyone involved in the Christiansburg sign war was having a whale of a time. But then something incredible happened: the world took notice! A Facebook group was set up to keep track of all the signs, and tens of thousands from across the globe began to follow the silliness.

The sign war had clearly become a phenomenon. The man who started it all was interviewed by WSLS 10 News in April 2021 and showed great humility. Bridge said, “I’m just so humbled because this is bigger than my little music store.” Aww.

At the core of it, Bridge was happy as a clam that international attention had been drawn to all the businesses in Christiansburg. He said, “If we can put this whole area a little bit more on the map for people coming to visit, why not?”

Now, in general, conflicts are usually a terrible drain on the economy. But not this one! The Christiansburg sign war actually caused profits to shoot through the roof for many local outlets. According to Bored Panda, Kabuki owner Yoshi Koeda said, “It’s amazing free advertisement for us all.”

Claytor Wear – a clothing website – even figured out a way to harness the hoopla surrounding the sign war to help a local charity. What did the company actually do? Well, it sold stickers and shirts for Literacy Volunteers of the New River Valley – bringing in much needed funds.

The site’s owner Jonathan Friend felt the sign war was a perfect example of how people can still come together in tough times. According to Bored Panda, he said, “I think the signs are just really an homage we are really all in this together. So, it’s been really uplifting to see all the businesses support each other.”

Overall, the Christiansburg sign war didn’t just do a lot of good for the local community and businesses there. It also charmed the world. Though, crucially, the event proved once and for all that laughter really is the best medicine.