NYC Doormen Are Sharing The Wildest Things They’ve Seen

"I’m a doorman in Manhattan. There’s this family that has multiple homes and on top of that, they’re on a lot of business trips. The wife suspected her husband of cheating, so she offered me “money that will change your life” if I said yes to ever seeing her husband bring home other women. I definitely wasn’t going to ruin anyone’s marriage."

"I was a doorman in NYC for a building full of wealthy people. To live in the building, you had to have a minimum of $50 million in the bank. One day, a guy I never saw before came in. I stopped him, but my manager told me to let him in. After the guy goes upstairs, the manager tells me, 'He’s the son of 25C. He comes over when his parents aren't home to sleep with [women] in their bed.'"

"I have discovered some potentially scandalous trysts and activities at most of the buildings I've worked at. I think once you've logged enough hours while motionless at a desk, you begin to pick up on the people who you see day in and day out's mannerisms. (Even if they ignore you, the working class shmoe.)"

“[Saturday Night Live head honcho Lorne Michaels] gave me 25 years of Saturday Night Live after-parties. After my shift, I’d go up there, or I’d take the day off, go to the show, and then to the after-party. They would give me six tickets to take my mom and other family members.”

"One night when I was working nights, one guy was sleepwalking, and he came down to the lobby naked — nothing on... I just told him, 'Go back upstairs 'cuz I don't want anybody to see you down here.'"

"I wasn't working here when it happened, but supposedly, there was an older couple. The husband died. The lady didn't say anything. And she kept him in the apartment. And she actually put him in a suitcase trunk."

"[One tenant] thought he was dead, you know. But he wasn't. That was just it, you know, he called us. It was weird. it was the weirdest call I've ever had... then he called back, and he was, like, 'I realize I'm alive, thank you.'" — Emmanuel, told to Doorman Stories

"There was one night that there was a gentleman who was standing out here, and he was just out of it. And they were calling the cops, and I'm just like, 'Listen, he's okay, leave him alone, he's fine, he's fine, he's fine.' And he finally snapped out of it. He was like, 'Okay I got to go now.'"

"There was one time I was working in the back by the garbage room and my super came, pulled me to the side, and he's like, 'We have an emergency.' And I'm like, 'What's going on?' And he was like, 'You cannot tell nobody, but one of the tenants dropped their wedding ring down the chute.'"

"I had a tenant stuck in the elevator one time. I was just on the phone with her, trying to calm her down. She was just screaming a lot, and I didn't know how to calm her down, so I was just there talking with her. Like, 'Don't worry. I think it's going to be fine.'" I guess she was claustrophobic... It was insane. It was a crazy moment."

"I was off [one morning], and my coworker that's been here 30 years, he calls me up. He's like, 'Hey, you're supposed to be at work today." And I go, 'What do you mean?' I said, 'No no no.' He's like, 'You were supposed to work for this guy.' I said, 'Come on!' So I start getting ready and then he calls me back."

"Working at night, we've had a guy pass by in his underwear. [But] it wasn't just regular underwear. It was like real discreet underwear. Like, there was barely any underwear. [He tries] to walk in here and me trying to stop him and we had a resident come through."

“I can tell you one thing: It’s hard to find better people than De Niro, Sting, Lorne Michaels, and Paul Simon. These guys came together and helped me when I was at my lowest point.”

"I was working on the east side at a real fancy building: 100 plus units. Old money. I was at the door one night, and I said ‘good evening’ to this older woman, and she gave me this look of death, looked at me like I was lucky to be alive. I remember her exact words. They were, ‘Who gave you permission to speak to me?’"

"There was another building I worked at, a big one on the west side, where... there was this line on the floor and you had to be on it, you couldn’t move and they were really snobby if you did... I was working one night. And this lady was coming in with groceries and I went to help, so I stepped from the line. And then I see, while I’m helping her, an older woman at the door."

"I've had a crazy week, helped a guy left for dead in a hit-and-run by a cyclist, restaurant workers I know get tied up and robbed, garage has three vehicles stolen."

"Almost every night, I gotta deal with some sort of crazy homeless person in front of the building. Had a guy pull down his pants and take a dump in front of people like nothing, had another guy cut himself while yelling at me." — @EastSideDoorman on X

"A tenant comes to the lobby visibly shaken up, crying, and says she was just held hostage. So I tell her to calm down and give me all the details."

"You end up knowing EVERYTHING about the tenants — don’t ever let them, or anyone else, know that. Figure out how to have pleasant conversations that don’t last longer than ten seconds. Never get involved in the street unless it walks through the doors —then be extremely proactive."

"The worst way [to get past a nightclub doorman]? Pretending your friend has bought a bottle (we have a list and walkies), saying you have to use the restroom (not my problem), pretending you know us (...), and rubbing your friend's stamp onto your hand (c'mon!)."

"An unnamed high-end retail group had a party, [and] they were all demolished. Stumbling, slurring, and cut off at the bar. We were telling them they had to leave, and one guy [wouldn't] have it. He started taking candles in glass holders that we have on the tables and throwing them at the bouncers."

"We had an off-duty Marine that was standing next to me and one of the off-duty D.J.s next to the door and he was pretty drunk and put his arms around me and the D.J. and we started laughing. He then proceeded to attempt to hump me. I then put him in a headlock, knocked his head against the doorpost, and tossed him outside."

"For me, you know what's worse? Logging in 150/200 packages a day working the door. Alone. It demands all your attention, to label the boxes with the correct apartment number and then scan them so tenants know their packages were delivered. All the while you have to keep an eye on the door for tenants who never check whether or not they have packages and let them pile up obliviously."

"There was a fight upstairs at this club I was working at, this guy was actually fighting with the D.J. Like, rolling around on the ground fighting... one bouncer got up there before me and the guy was in his face. When I get up behind the guy, the other bouncer pushes him into me (which we're trained to do) and I wrap him up."

"I think a staple of the experience of when a bouncer catches you with a fake I.D. is the first thing we’re going to do is mock you. If it’s a good fake I.D. we’ll say, 'You almost got there,'"

"I've been beat up pretty badly. I was standing in a small alleyway and was jumped by five or six guys who just don't like bouncers. They were experienced in doing this, and I know this because they knocked my radio off so that I couldn't call for help."

"The wildest night of the year is always St. Patrick's Day. Hordes of people come out, and they all reach what we call 'Zombie Mode,' which is where due to the amount of alcohol they've consumed, they've become completely autonomous."

"There's a massive park in the back of the bar, where a gang of homeless people live. (In my city, there are gangs of homeless Native Americans.) On occasion, they'll save up enough change to legitimately buy a pint, and they want to get in the door together."