40 Hit Songs With Hilariously Awful Lyrics
You’re in the car or office when a hit song comes on the radio; it’s a catchy ditty and it instantly has you humming along or tapping your feet. But then you hear something truly awful: as excruciating as nails on a chalkboard, it’s so bad that it stops you in your tracks. Yes, you’ve heard a terrible or nonsensical lyric. But don’t fret – you’re not suffering alone. Many acclaimed music critics and music aficionados feel exactly the same sense of grievance towards these songs. Read on to discover some of the most frustrating phrases of all time: how many of them do you know?
“De do do do de da da da. Is all I want to say to you.”
The Police have their fair share of memorable songs. The English rock trio fronted by Sting churned out hits such as “Walking On The Moon,” “Message In A Bottle” and “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.” But among those undeniable catchy singles is the nonsensical “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da,” which contains some of Mr. Gordon Sumner’s worst lyrics. “De do do do de da da da. Is all I want to say to you.” Oh do buzz off with that gobbledygook, Sting.
“I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say.”
The Strokes were hailed by many as the vanguard band for a rock ‘n’ roll renaissance when they emerged from the New York scene in the early noughties. But by their third record First Impressions of Earth numerous critics began to argue that they had run out of ideas. And nowhere was this more evident than on “Ask Me Anything.” The Mellotron-heavy track had frontman Julian Casablancas singing “I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say” over and over. Why bother then?
“Now you get to watch her leave out the window. Guess that’s why they call it window pane.”
Back in 2010 “Love the Way You Lie” was a major hit for rapper Eminem, reaching the summit of the Billboard Hot 100 and staying there for seven weeks. But although the song – which featured a powerfully sung chorus from Rihanna – was a huge success, it also contained some of Slim Shady’s worst lyrics. A case to point being the clunky homophone pun in the line “Now you get to watch her leave out the window. Guess that's why they call it window pane.” No it isn’t, Em.
“Only time will tell if we stand the test of time.”
Van Halen were the kings of late ’70s and early ’80s rock excess. Eddie Van Halen was a bona fide guitar god, and their theatrical singer David Lee Roth oozed sex appeal. But lyrics were never the band’s strong point. And never was this more apparent than on the hit “Why Can’t This Be Love?” The song actually includes the line “Only time will tell if we stand the test of time.” A good job they had plenty of hooks, then.
“Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a bowl of soup.”
Bob Dylan is one the most influential artists ever, and he is widely regarded as the greatest lyricist of all time. But the legendary singer/songwriter has had a few fallow periods in his six-decade career. And 1990 was one such time, when the album Under The Red Sky was released. The L.P. was a flop by Dylan’s standards, not helped by the awful opener “Wiggle Wiggle,” which actually includes the line “Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a bowl of soup.” Oh, Bob.
“My stove deserve a shout-out. I’m like, what up, stove?”
The rapper 2Chainz achieved mainstream success in 2012 via his appearances on songs by Nicki Minaj and Kanye West. But although the Atlanta native has achieved some acclaim for his rapping ability, his song “Fork” has also earned some bafflement for its odd lyrics. Particularly the line “my stove deserve a shout-out. I'm like what up, stove?” Erm, does he realize the stove is an inanimate object and can’t reply?
“If I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double.”
With landmark L.P.s like The Clash and London Calling, English punk rockers The Clash became one of the biggest bands in the world. But Joe Strummer and co. also came up with some downright cringeworthy songs and lyrics. For instance, the otherwise excellent “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” from Combat Rock features the words “Should I stay or should I go, now? If I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double.” Oh dear.
“I don’t want to see a ghost, it’s the sight that I fear most. I’d rather eat a piece of toast.”
Oh Des’ree. A certified hall-of-famer in the school of bad songwriting. Yes, to our mind, the British soul singer is responsible for arguably the worst lyrics that have ever been put down on paper. On her 1998 hit single “Life,” she actually sings the words, “I don’t want to see a ghost, It’s the sight that I fear most. I’d rather have a piece of toast. Watch the evening news.” Jeez.
“If you ever feel alone, don’t.”
Pop phenomenon One Direction were manufactured via U.K. reality TV. But although the boy band won the hearts of millions of teenage girls, many of their ballads contain dodgy lyrics. The mournful “Don’t Forget Where You Belong” from 2013’s Midnight Memories is a case in point. This ditty penned by Niall Horan and McFly members actually features the line, “If you ever feel alone, don’t.” Well cheers for that, lads. Any other sage advice while we’re listening? Perhaps if you feel depressed or anxious, don’t?
“You’re so vain. You probably think this song is about you.”
“You’re So Vain” was a major hit for Carly Simon back in the early 1970s. But the track – which was allegedly about actor Warren Beatty – has a fatal flaw. That being its lyrics. Specifically the line, “You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.” Erm, we hate to break it to you Carly, but the song is very much about the narcissistic guy. We’re not sure you thought this one through to be honest.
“Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones.”
Coldplay are one of the biggest bands in the world. But Chris Martin and co. have as many detractors as fans, and at least part of that is down to their often-questionable lyrics. For instance, take the line, “Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones” from the mega-hit “Fix You.” Well, if that’s the case Chris, we’d rather there were no lights and we are not prepared to follow them. Because if our bones are set on fire, we’re looking at certain death.
“Green was the color of the grass.”
Taylor Swift is arguably the biggest pop star on the planet, graduating from country-tinged rock to superstardom on the back of her undeniable gift for catchy melodies and personal lyrics. But Tay-Tay arguably wasn’t at her best when she penned folklore’s “Invisible String.” That’s because it begins with the words “Green was the color of the grass.” Well, thanks for informing us of that, Ms. Swift. Next you’ll be telling us the water was wet.
“You’re the whole package, plus you pay your taxes.”
“Nothin’ On You” was a big hit for B.o.B. back in 2009. Still, the song – which featured the vocal talents of Bruno Mars – has a likely unintentional amusing line in it. That coming when the Georgia rapper is extolling the virtues of his woman before stating, “You’re the whole package, plus you pay your taxes.” Well isn’t that a relief! You wouldn’t want to date a tax-dodging beauty, would you?
“Not much has changed, but they live underwater.”
Busted emerged out of England in the early 2000s to considerable success. But the bratty pop-punk trio was responsible for a litany of lyrical and musical crimes. None more so than in the hit “Year 3000,” in which they opined, “Not much has changed, but they live underwater.” Erm, we’d say that constitutes quite a significant change from where we are now, lads.
“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday to Sunday.”
Incredibly, the Black Eyed Peas are one of the most commercially prosperous groups ever. But despite their undeniable success, the hip-hop collective is not everyone’s cup of tea. Indeed, they have often been slated by critics for their empty or just plain cringeworthy lyrics. An example of the former is on display on the ubiquitous 2009 hit “I Gotta Feeling.” It has will.i.am rapping the days of the week in order towards the end of the track. How inventive.
“And isn’t it ironic, don’t ya think?”
“Ironic” was the third single from Alanis Morissette’s gazillion-selling L.P. Jagged Little Pill. Granted, the track is catchy pop-rock sung with gusto by the Canadian songstress. But unfortunately the lyrics are not in the least bit ironic. Rain on your wedding day? Not ironic. And 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife? Nope, just stupid having that many spoons. Indeed, as the Irish comedian Ed Byrne once joked, “The only thing ironic about that song is that [it was] written by a woman who doesn’t know what irony is.” Ouch!
“I never met a girl like you ever, until we met.”
MKTO’s “Classic” was a hit back in 2013. But the duo’s schmaltzy R&B track was anything but, to our ears at least. Maybe you like it! To be honest it was not helped by the cheesy lyrics, so it’s hard to believe it took four people to write it, namely Andrew Goldstein, Evan “Kidd” Bogart, Emanuel Kiriakou, and Lindy Robbins. Anyway, besides tired lines like “I want to thrill ya like Michael,” it also contains the laughable observation, “I never met a girl like you ever, until we met.” You’re not kidding!
“Slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball.”
The often-warring brothers in English rock band Oasis always talked a good game. Indeed, the Gallagher bros would have everyone believe they were the greatest and most important band in the world during the 1990s and 2000s. Even if the evidence of their music suggested otherwise. Still, they did have some fairly solid rock songs, such as the (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? closer “Champagne Supernova.” Still, Noel’s often-criticized lyrics let his sibling Liam down again, with the line, “Slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball” eliciting much laughter from us.
“Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad.”
It’s hard to hate on “Call Me Maybe.” No matter how hard you try, Carly Rae Jepsen’s irresistible breakout hit will have you humming along. But although the cheery slice of pop from 2012 is sung with gusto, there are some lyrics in it that really bug us. Most notably the line, “Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad.” No doubt Carly thought it was a clever turn of phrase, but no, it wasn’t. It just sounds dumb.
“Uno, dos, tres, catorce!”
U2 have largely retained the huge and loyal following they’ve built over their four decade-plus career. But it’s fair to say the earnest Irish rockers have inspired as many detractors as fans. And much of that ire is down to their singer, Bono Vox. Yep, Ol’ Bono has proven to be fond of a grand gesture or two – and some really cringeworthy lyrics to boot. None more so than on the single “Vertigo,” from 2004. It starts with him chanting, “Uno, dos, tres, catorce!” Which for non-Spanish speaking people is 1, 2, 3, 14! Oops!
“If the light is off, then it isn’t on.”
It’s fair to say that Hilary Duff is no Joni Mitchell. So you probably wouldn’t put on one of her tracks expecting intelligent lyrics or insight. But early in her recording career – when she was still very young – the majority of her songs were written by others. Like “So Yesterday,” the lead single off her 2003 album Metamorphosis. It features some fairly hilarious verses, not least this banal observation, “If the light is off, then it isn’t on.” Cheers for that, guys.
“Thunder only happens when it’s raining.”
“Thunder only happens when it’s raining,” sings Stevie Nicks in the Fleetwood Mac classic “Dreams.” But as lovely as that track from the mega-selling Rumors is, that lyric is simply not true. And as a result, it really bugs us. You see, there are dry thunderstorms, which often cause bushfires and have no rain. It’s not on, being scientifically inaccurate, Stevie, it really isn’t.
“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind?”
Katy Perry is a likeable and surprisingly down-to-earth popstar with some seriously singable hits. But lyrics are probably not the Californian’s strongest suit. The empowering ballad “Firework” is just one example. It begins with the line, “Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind? Wanting to start again.” Erm, no, we don’t, Katy, to be honest with you. Also, plastic bags don’t have feelings, honey.
“She’s got everything – like a moving mouth, body control and everything.”
Along with Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, Deep Purple were one of the key progenitors of heavy metal. The English band even entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the globe’s loudest act, in 1972. But their lyrical prowess was not always as impressive as the volume at which they played. Take the song “Highway Star”, for instance. We kid you not, it actually includes the line, “She’s got everything – like a moving mouth, body control and everything.” You don’t say!
“Circles and triangles, and now we’re hanging out with your new girlfriend.”
Gwen Stefani decided to go it alone in 2003 after her main band No Doubt went on a hiatus. The following year her debut studio album Love. Angel. Music. Baby came out, which was a success. However, some of the lyrics on the L.P. left a little to be desired. “Hollaback Girl” was just plain annoying. And “Cool” featured the line, “Circles and triangles, and now we’re hanging out with your new girlfriend.” We presume she was referring to love, but have you ever heard of love circles, Gwen?
“I met a girl. She asked me my name. I told her what it was.”
Razorlight emerged during the post-punk revival in the early noughties that was sparked off by New York’s The Strokes and London’s The Libertines. But despite their big-headed frontman Johnny Borrell effectively claiming he was the second coming of Bob Dylan, the band were dismissed by most critics as nothing more than landfill indie. And the lyrics to “Somewhere Else” perhaps illustrate why Borrell was a legend in his own head only. “I met a girl. She asked me my name. I told her what it was,” he croons. Pure poetry, mate.
“If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by?”
Vanessa Carlton’s piano-led ballad “A Thousand Miles” was a big hit back in 2002. But her debut single had some questionable lyrics in it. For instance, Carlton sings “If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by?” Now, we’ve sat and thought about that line for a good few minutes and still haven’t got a clue what she is on about.
“Yeah, you got that yummy-yum/that yummy-yum, that yummy-yummy.”
Justin Bieber’s “Yummy” got a lot of flak from critics upon its January 2020 release. And listening to the lyrics to the song – the lead single from the Canadian popstar’s fifth L.P. Changes – it is easy to understand why. The chorus actually has the words, “Yeah, you got that yummy-yum/that yummy-yum, that yummy-yummy.” Which ironically left us feeling more than a little sick.
“Tonight there’s going to be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town.”
Thin Lizzy were one of hard rock’s most reliable bands in the 1970s and early 1980s. But although Phil Lynott and co. were responsible for some fine songs and albums, occasionally the lyrics let them down. Take “Jailbreak,” for instance. A cool song, but it actually has the words, “Tonight there’s going to be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town.” Erm, our money’s on the jail, Phil.
“La la la la la lovely Linda/With the lovely flowers in her hair.”
Paul McCartney is probably not the coolest member of The Beatles. From his quirky or somewhat square tunes in the Fab Four – “Hey Jude,” anyone? – to his naff work with Wings, McCartney’s work has lacked the grit of John Lennon or vision of George Harrison. And that occasionally cringeworthy songwriting is on full display on the solo track “The Lovely Linda.” An ode to his now-dead wife, it features the line “La la la la la lovely Linda/With the lovely flowers in her hair.” Oh, Paul.
“Luckily my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains.”
The catchy Latin pop of “Whenever, Wherever” catapulted Shakira to international stardom back in 2001. But the lyrics to the Colombian’s first major worldwide hit leave a lot to be desired. Take the line, “Luckily my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains,” for instance. A daft lyric if there ever was one. You can blame Shakira, Tim Mitchell and Gloria Estefan for writing that.
“She had dumps like a truck.”
Sisqó’s “Thong Song” took the world by storm back in 2000. But perhaps not surprisingly, the cheeky R&B hit – which reached the top ten in numerous countries – contained some questionable words in it. At one point the pint-sized singer croons, “She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what, what, what.” That’s not a pleasant image you’re conjuring up for us Sisqó, if we’re honest.
“I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe.”
How Ed Sheeran is so popular is baffling to many of us. But the English singer-songwriter has achieved massive success worldwide, despite many critics and music aficionados dismissing his work as trite. A lot of that hate is centered around his often awkward or clichéd lyrics. But “Save Myself” features perhaps his stupidest line, with Sheeran singing “I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe.” Erm, maybe it would’ve made more sense to give it to folk who can’t breathe, Ed?
“I don’t like cities, but I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork.”
Now Madonna is undoubtedly one of the biggest and most influential pop stars of all time. Just look at the way Lady Gaga copied her schtick, for example. But even so, the Michigan-born icon has turned out some dodgy music and lyrics in her long and storied career. One such lyrical flop is the 2005 song “I Love New York.” Which has her singing “I don’t like cities, but I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork.” Really inventive rhyming there, Madge.
“New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits. Chinese food makes me sick.”
You may remember hearing this song from several years back, as it was a massive hit in 1999. But the laid-back groove of LFO’s “Summer Girls” is interspersed with some highly questionable and downright bizarre lyrics. “New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits. Chinese food makes me sick.” Erm, are these just random thoughts singer Rich Cronin wrote on a page? Still, the track has remained a popular summer anthem, and it’s sad that frontman Cronin passed away just 11 years on from its multi-platinum success.
“I am the egg man. They are the egg men. I am the walrus. Goo goo g’joob.”
The Beatles are undoubtedly one of the best and most influential bands in music history. Their place near the top of the tree is well assured. But even the greatest have an off day, and it’s fair to say John and Paul had a stinker when writing “I Am A Walrus.” The nonsensical track – which appears on 1967’s Magical Mystery Tour album – actually contains the words, “I am the egg man. They are the egg men. I am the walrus. Goo goo g'joob.” Er, whatever you say, fellas.
“There's an old man sittin’ next to me. Makin’ love to his tonic and gin.”
This one really irritates us, if we’re honest. Y’ know, Billy, with all due respect, it’s called a gin and tonic. You can’t just casually flip it around to tonic and gin in order to make it rhyme it with shuffles in. No, we’re not having it. Also, what man makes love to a drink? Not your finest set of lyrics, we think it’s fair to say, Mr. Joel.
“Girl you look just like my car, I wanna wax it.”
It’s well-established now that R. Kelly is a grade-A creep. But we begrudgingly admit that the embattled singer produced a decent tune or two in his career, namely “She’s Got That Vibe” and “Ignition.” Still, Kelly has often penned some horrendous lyrics when piling on the usual R&B raunch. Take the 1995 single “You Remind Me Of Something,” for instance. On this track he sings, “Girl you look just like my car, I wanna wax it.” Which is so weird, creepy and terrible we don’t know where to start.
“Zip your lips like a padlock.”
The song on trial for lyrical crimes today is Ke$ha’s 2010 hit “Blah Blah Blah.” The prosecution presents as part of its case the line “Zip your lips like a padlock.” The defense subsequently has nothing to add and pleads for leniency. The jury unanimously decide that this lyric is utterly stupid, as padlocks cannot be zipped but only locked with a key. The judge delivers the verdict of high lyrical misdemeanor and a lifetime in song jail.
“I, I wish I could swim. Like dolphins, like dolphins can swim.”
David Bowie. No doubt you miss him as much as we do. But although the legendary English artist turned out a slew of seminal albums and legendary songs, he occasionally tripped up with some awkward words or music. Sure, “Heroes” is a great track. But we don’t know about you, but there is a line in it that somewhat sours our enjoyment of it. That being, “I, I wish I could swim. Like dolphins, like dolphins can swim.” It just seems kinda dumb and banal. Sorry, David.
